The Kiddies

We saw three kids yesterday and I learned enough to be adequately prepared for the three auditions we have on Wednesday. I've directed a play with/for children before, but never hired a child to be in an adult production. The first thing I needed to make clear to the mothers (and they were all mothers - assuming that all father's disapprove of their young boys being actors) was that the theme of the play could be offensive or inflammatory to certain (Catholic) individuals. Funny enough, that was explicitly why one mother responded. She thought it was hilarious. Go figure.

We organized auditions as follows. We set up 15 minute appointments and emailed sides. We first talked with the mother and son about the play and his experience and activities. We also asked what his favorite cookie was because the character gobbles down about a dozen during the show. I'm guessing whoever we cast will be ten pound heavier at the end. We then asked the mothers to wait in the hall, so we could see the kid alone (and believe me, each boy acted totally different when mom was away). We had an actress come in to read Sister Mary, and surprisingly, each kid went over and sat on her lap when she told them to. And when we asked each one of them to memorize a line on the spot, they all nailed it. Seven year olds are amazing.

The only bit of advice I'd give to the mothers is to let their child speak for himself. This was also the biggest lesson for us. As much as we need to cast the child, we also need to cast the mother. The kids were fine; it was the moms who needed to be put in check. One of them kept interrupting her son and telling him to be quiet so she could talk. Sounds like someone isn't getting enough attention at home from her hubby.

There was one kid who stood out from all the rest. He was incredibly adorable and had the exact balance of intelligence and innocence that we were looking for. Plus I don't think his lesbian moms were too offended by the subject matter. Unless Webster or the 'I see dead people' kid show up on Wednesday, I think we're gonna go with him.

Further Dispatches from the Audition Front

So 68 more people tonight and lots more Durang monologues. Here are some more observations and hints for future auditioners.

1. When you're asked for 90 seconds, make it 78, not 178. Nothing kills a good audition more than overstaying your welcome. Get in, get out and leave them wanting more.

2. And if you're asked for a comedic monologue (or classical or two contrasting contemporary) than give the casting directors what they want. 'Electra' and 'A Doll's House' are great plays, but they aren't funny.

3. Teenager Pose. Many girls in their twenties stand with all their weight on one leg while the other leg juts out at 90 degree angle. Makes them look like bored'n'bitchy 13 year olds. Someone needs to really teach grounding.

4. Speaking of teaching: What the hell is up with HB Studios? They churn them out like butter and very few have much to show for it. What kind of racket are they running over there?

5. Can you even do the show? The dates for production are usually clearly listed in the ad. Don't come to the audition if you can't do the dates. One girl came in and kicked some ass and then said she'd be gone for two of our four weeks of rehearsal. Please, don't tease me like that. Bad enough I have to sit through bad monologues for people who can't do the dates, but for someone great to come in is just plain mean.

6. Ladies (or gentlemen), if you have long hair, decide beforehand what you're going to do with it. Watching someone get hair out of their face for a minute and a half is amusing, but won't get you the part.

7. Don't think I forgot about the flip flops. Out of 68 people, I counted 24 pairs of them. And I'm not even including the funky sandals some people wore.

8. If you're going to do a dialect or accent: a) know what the hell you're doing (otherwise you sound like a fool) and b) use it to enhance your chances of getting cast. Doing a Texas dialect for a play set in New Jersey doesn't help you. At that point, it just seems like a funny character voice.

9. Any monologue from Neil LaBute's 'Autobahn' is now officially overdone.

10. Resumes. First, spell check them. You can't believe how many simple mistakes are made. Second, don't lie. Trying to make something sound more impressive than it actually was only gets you screwed in the end. If you did scene work, don't list it as a production. And if you did shows in college, just say so. Naming the theatre at school doesn't count as professional work. Just call it like it is.

Audition Tips

So I had my first night of auditions for the Durang doublebill I'm directing, and I thought I'd share some (hopefully) helpful tips for actors when trying to make a good impression. I'm no seasoned casting director, and Lord knows, I've had my bad experiences on the other side of that table, but here are some suggestions for what they are worth.

1. Don't wear flip flops. You aren't at the beach; you're trying to get a job. I know it's summer and it's hot, but I don't want to look at your feet. And please, oh please, if you're going to wear them, don't take them off. Unless you're doing a Caliban monologue, bare feet should be discouraged.

2. When you walk in and are asked, 'So what will you be doing for us tonight?' Please don't respond, 'What? You don't want to talk first or something?' If someone wants to talk to you, they will. Otherwise, launch right in.

3. The Handshake. Honestly, I think it's fine. Nice way to say, 'Hi, my name is...' Just as long as I don't have to stand up, I'm cool with it. Our table was on the way to the stage, so actors walked right by us. I can imagine if the casting people are all the way across the room, you might want to just wave. But definitely say 'Hello' and who you are.

4. Stand still. If you've blocked your monologue and go from point A to point B to point C - great. If you shuffle around in some kind of awkward dance - not so great. Grounding is very important. Feet firmly on the ground, knees slightly bent, hands and arms at your sides, deep breath and go.

5. Know who you are talking to. If you are doing the piece to another character in the play (on stage or the back of the house), pick a spot and lock it in. If your focus is all over the place, your monologue is less effective. And if you're going to look at the casting directors (which I think is fine), be consistent. Don't pick us and then switch to an imaginary person.

6. Doing the Playwright. If you are going to audition with a monologue from the writer being produced (especially if it's from the play itself), you'd better nail it. I think it's a ballsy move, but if you can pull it off, I think it's worth it.

7. Paul Rudnick bores me. Believe me, it's not the most fabulous story ever told. And his 'Shouts & Murmurs' in The New Yorker aren't funny.

8. My God! What is with all these flip flops? To be flip or not to be flop. That is flip the question flop.

9. Dressing up is never a bad thing, but be careful that your outfit doesn't upstage you. If all we can remember about you is that you had 'a pretty blue skirt' (actual quote from the producer), it doesn’t bode well for getting called back.

10. And finally, when you're finished with your monologue, don't say 'Scene'. First of all, it's not a scene, and secondly of all, if we don't know it's the end, you're probably not doing that good of a job in the first place.

Heat Wave

So I've sequestered myself in my air conditioned bedroom to work on a grant that would help support our latest venue - an international ensemble. We've been so focused on producing international plays that we neglected the many international actors based in NYC. Who better to represent these new scripts? We put out an ad on playbill.com and have begun holding interviews with potential candidates. Thus far, an Italian, a Jamaican, a Dane, an Australian and a Korean/Lebanese. Sorry, no punchline.

Take that and Rewind it Back

Just when I was losing faith, it was announced that Usher will be coming to Broadway. As Billy Flynn in Chicago, no less. He joins the ranks of some great muscial theatre performers such as Melanie Griffith, Brooke Shields, Sandy Duncan, Marilu Henner, George Hamilton, Billy Zane, Alan Thicke, Wayne Brady, Huey Lewis (though I do admit to loving the Back to the Future theme and the album, Sports) and currently, Mrs. Tom Hanks, Rita Wilson. Then again, Usher was discovered on the original 'American Idol' - Star Search. That Ryan Seacrest guy has got nothing on Ed 'You may have won 10 million dollars' McMahon.

Prendre cela, vous l'Italien stupide.

Nice way to end a career.